I close my eyes and feel the water splash around me. I slice
through the ocean as if it were just a big hunk of cheese and my fingertips
were the blade of a knife, but as it fills the space my hands create I realize
the water is not just a hunk of cheese. It is always there, around me, and if I
go down, I can never come back up. I resist the urge to look up at the sun ray’s,
clarifying the mystically dark ocean, lest my eyes sting so I never want to
open them again. I can already taste the omnipresent liquid in my mouth…
I feel the air bite the parts of skin bold enough to rise
above the water. The wind pushes me until the borderline of this terrible watery
realm is no longer in reach. I would never make it to shore by night. I flail
my arms like a sparrow in a hurricane. I lay on my back, my heart drowning in
the fear that the winds and waves would toss me too far for me to return. But
the worry wears me out. As the waves relax, I wonder if this is a sign of reprise
or if it foreshadows the deeper wrath of the ocean.
Simon I think this is a really well written piece, the change from the beginning throughout such a short piece of writing is startling. At the beginning I imagined it would have a different message than it actually did, really caught me by surprise, really well done.
ReplyDeleteSimon I think this is a really well written piece, the change from the beginning throughout such a short piece of writing is startling. At the beginning I imagined it would have a different message than it actually did, really caught me by surprise, really well done.
ReplyDeleteThis was so detailed and inviting to read. The language you used got me dragged into the paragraphs your wrote I think you clearly conveyed the feelings the salt water gives people and added some of your personality into it. It was really interesting because there are many interpretations people can have from reading this. I either thought that someone was lost in the ocean or it was a metaphor for being lost in general. It was a really well written piece though and I enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteI loved how you counter acted the feeling of peacefulness with the opposite emotions of fear, such as the water drowning you. It really shows detail of what it is like to be suspended by the ocean. This was beautifully written, and described in so much detail. I honestly think that this is a perfect piece of writing.
ReplyDeleteAs I continued reading this after the first sentence, I was surprised. I was preparing to read a blog about the ocean and how nice and relaxing or fun it can be based on the picture. But instead, it was scary and the details made it the opposite of what I was expecting. I kind of have a fear of the ocean myself because I hate not knowing what is underneath me so I actually thought it was relatable because you said "the water is not just a hunk of cheese" which reminded me of all the possible things and creatures below. I enjoyed your writing and thought it was very interesting!
ReplyDelete